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Purpose: Many adults carry a negative imprint about their worthiness because their parents didn’t know how to bond with them and create a secure attachment relationship. The good news is—we can heal these early imprints and learn to feel more secure, more welcome in our relationships. Here’s one exercise to help you now.

Preparation:

• Read the whole exercise first.
• Create a comfortable meditative space where you can be seated, uninterrupted, and close your eyes for 15+ minutes.
• You may want to have peaceful, soothing music in the background.
• On a notepad, make a list of 3 to 12 people who feel safe, supportive, accepting to you. These people can be real or imagined. Who would you want to be there to welcome you to the world at your birth?

Exercise:
• Turn on your music (optional) and find a comfortable position in your chair. Relax and breathe deeply for a few minutes.
• Imagine this is the moment of your birth. No need to include your parents at this event if you choose not to. This is going to be the most optimal birth for you at this time.
• As you are birthed, wrapped up in a “receiving” blanket and propped up, see your first visitor come forward to greet you (someone from your list on your notepad). What does he/she say to you? What are the welcoming words you long to hear? Hear him/her say them slowly and with caring. Perhaps he/she touches you, strokes your cheek, or even holds and rocks you. Take your time. Hear every word. Let them register in your body. Feel the touch, support and intent.
• Go on to the next person and the next. Take your time. Watch the group form a circle around you and become your group, your clan of welcome and support in this world. Make a picture in your mind so you can come back to this group at any time to re-experience their love and support.
• After everyone has greeted you, take time to sit back, close your eyes and receive all the gifts of their messages and meaning. See if you can let all of it in. Feel them surrounding you, welcoming you. Feel the safety of their presence. Soak it in.
• You can repeat this meditative exercise as many times as you like.

Adapted from Diane Poole Heller’s DARe program

Sandy Novak, MS, MA, SEP, LPC Individual,
Couples, and Family Therapist
1480 Lee Hill Dr. #7
Boulder, CO 80304
303-629-2960
www.bouldertransformationaltherapy.com

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Being a Conscious Guide to Your Child’s Attachment Process
with Sandy Novak, LPC

• Why the attachment process in babies is so important to parents and parenting
• My experience teaching parenting, especially in The People’s Republic of China
• The importance of parents developing their own empathy for themselves first and then for their child
• One attachment repair exercise I did with one of my parenting students in China
• An exercise we all can do to repair our attachment systems and be more receptive and safe for our kids—“Welcome to the World” exercise
• What actions parents can do right now to enhance attachment
• Resources and further study

Sandy Novak, MS, MA, SEP, LPC
Individual, Couples, and Family Therapist
1480 Lee Hill Dr. #7
Boulder, CO 80304
303-629-2960
www.bouldertransformationaltherapy.com

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Books:

Siegel, Daniel. Whole Brain Child has ways to stimulate your child’s development at different ages over a broad spectrum of development areas including emotional, relational, and intellectual.

Siegel, Daniel and Mary Hartell. Parenting from the Inside Out Siegel and Hartell encourage us to “finish our unfinished business” from our childhoods so our parenting now can be present-centered and loving.

Hughes, Dan. Brain-based Parenting Hughes and his co-author make neuroscience approachable for a novice reader while explaining how our brains and our child’s brain respond to each other, how we create safety and connection for our child through the regulation of our own brains.

Hughes, Dan. Attachment-based Parenting Hughes has created a model of family therapy to help struggling foster and adopting parents make a solid attachment with their child. Here Hughes offers all parents the wisdom and techniques he developed working with wounded kids.

Gottman, John. Raising Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence Gottman gives parents a clear, concrete way of coaching children to name and accept their feelings and find positive ways to solve their own problems.

 

Videos:  Tronick, Still Face experiment on YouTube helps you see how stressful it is to your child when you turn your attention away, are unresponsive, or misattuned to their needs. It’s a good model for why connection and attention to children matters.

 

Sandy Novak, MS, MA, SEP, LPC
Individual, Couples, and Family Therapist
1480 Lee Hill Dr. #7
Boulder, CO 80304
303-629-2960
www.bouldertransformationaltherapy.com

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